No More Hiding Behind Tinted Windows

Filed under fun times on the subway

When I turned 16 years old, my dad told me I could have any car I wanted. I told him I wanted a black truck, because

a) I was a farmgirl living in Ohio, but more importantly,
b) the boy I had a crush on had a black truck, and clearly creepily buying a twin vehicle is the way to any man’s heart.

A few days later, I owned a black ’86 Chevy Blazer with a grey stripe along each side that a family friend’s son was selling. Although it wasn’t exactly the shiny new Dodge Ram I’d imagined, I couldn’t have been happier with the way I could pretty much back into everything in sight and not inflict a bit of damage to my precious bumper with the inherited “Fast Boys Dirt Toys” sticker on it. It was only when my dad made the same offer to my little sister a year later and she ended up with a ’98 Ford Mustang that I reconsidered my ride.

I thought that moving to New York City would rid me of my constant worry that everyone pulling up beside me at red lights was judging my poor Blazer. I thought that without a nonfunctioning rear windshield wiper to hinder me, I’d have no insecurities. What I didn’t realize is that public transportation is ten times worse.

. . . And you can click here to read the rest on my Examiner page. OHHHHH! BURN!


  1. Karinya says:

    Ha, YES. I, too, lusted after a black Ram 4×4 when I was 15. I ended up with my grandpa’s F-150 instead. I felt like a badass, but then I decorated the bumper/rear windshield with like a hundred horse stickers/decals, so…

    Also, I had a personalized plate that said “ILUVSKP” (Skip was my horse). I was teh awesome.

    • I really thought my “Fast Boys Dirt Toys” sticker made it clear to everyone that I was a badass, but ILUVSKP is waaaaaaay better.

      Horse people can totally drive trucks, though; you haul things. I was wearing a wallet chain and listening to Marilyn Manson back then, which I’m not sure goes with the truck persona.

  2. natalie says:

    hmph. my dad brought home an ’85 toyota corolla hatchback and said, “do you want this?” i knew if i said no, i’d only have my dodge imaginary to fall back on. i took the toyota. it was a powder blue ball. really hot.

    • Oh, um, I just Googled “dodge imaginary” to see what it looked like in comparison to the Corolla before realizing what you meant. That’s embarrassing.

  3. Coming from the city things were a bit different for me with my first car:

    I was 18, and working for what is now Citigroup.

    I didn’t even have my license yet but the investment giant paid me well enough to stroll my dumb ass into a dealership and buy a cherry red mazda 626.
    (hey give me a break it was back when a 626 was considered a real sports type car…before everyone realized that the transmission was only good for the first 12 miles)

    Weird, now living in the southwest I’m considering trading in my new 7 passenger SUV for an even bigger one.

    Funny how in NY I was able to buy a car without having a license, they didn’t care if I had one. But to drive it off of the lot the insurance company sure did care! lol. I had to pay 10,000 a year just in car insurance because I was 18 & from Brooklyn.

    You probably would have sold me Skip for 10 grand!

    • I’m STILL impressed by the 626, not knowing anything about cars. I paid $1200 in insurance as an 18-year-old in Ohio, so your $10,000 impresses me, too.

      But seriously, what are you going to do with room for more than 7 people? I understand that you have a harem and all that, but SEVEN?