Don’t Do Something We’ll Both Regret

Filed under everyone's married but katie, good times at everyone else's expense, no i really do love ohio

Today at noon, I leave for three days in Ohio and then two days in Kentucky to see my baby sister GET MARRIED. Seeing as how we agreed long ago to never, ever wed, I obviously feel very betrayed by this. She and her fiancé have been together for more than three years and already own a house together, so this marriage is totally unnecessary and clearly just a way of hurting me.

However, I’m going to look awesome in my dark red bridesmaid’s dress that she picked out, so I forgive her.

But just in case this wedding is only a means of making it more socially acceptable when Joanie and Josh start having millions of babies (in Kentucky, no less), I just want to remind her of this picture of her holding our cousin’s son during Thanksgiving dinner:

Take the feeling you felt here and multiply it by ten thousand, Joanie.
And then imagine feeling it every moment of every day.
This is what it’s like to have a baby.

(Thank you and goodnight to all of my baby-owning friends out there.)


  1. Laurasaurus says:

    Babies always creepily stare at me, like they’ve never seen an Asian before.

    • That’s probably really important for the baby’s growth in society, right? When my friend Emily recently got twin baby Yorkiepoos, all these books told her to expose the puppies to as many different kinds of people as possible early on. I was really disappointed that about all the uniqueness I could provide was curly hair, but not you, mama.

  2. Kinard says:

    My baby sister is getting married in 6 weeks. In South Carolina. I feel a strong correlation…

    • If it’s in Charleston, I refuse to feel sorry for you. (Although, seriously, even Charleston sucks in the middle of winter.)

      Otherwise, we’ll meet up after the events and have a good cry together.

  3. Sonya says:

    I think the baby actually looks more uncomfortable than your sister hahaha

  4. Kim says:

    1) That is one of the most amazing/hilarious photos I have ever seen. Also, you and your sister actually look related times a BILLION (when we’re BFF and you meet my fam you’ll know why this blows my mind).

    2) DARK RED?! Jealous jealous jealous. I mean, I haven’t been IN a wedding (save for reading on a church alter and almost being struck down by god himself for daring) since the Periwinkle College Friend Wedding of ’07, but, STILL. IT WAS PERIWINKLE. SUMMER NOTWITHSTANDING. I WANT DARK RED.

    3) Um, we’re still wearing our periwinkle BM dresses when your BF takes us both on a date to Serendipity, right? I’m thinking February. Also I can forward him a photo of my great rack/hair/lips/etc if he has forgotten.

    4) I’m drunk.

    5) Have fun in those states far from oceans.

    • 1) Really times a billion? Or just times a billion when you’re drunk? ‘Cause I think all of my cousins look more like me than Joanie does, but people always pick us out as sisters. Your family all look totally different?

      2) You know I still think of that periwinkle dress. And you walking alongside the road in it. My sister’s dress would totally suit you better, too, because it’s strapless and has a strip of rhinestones on it. I am not the rhinestone type. But I can see you in it.

      3) I’m sure he remembers your rack quite well, but I’m sure he’d appreciate a photo, anyway. I know I sure would. And yes, we’re still on for Serendipity, but honestly, I don’t believe that you can keep up with Kamran and me when it comes to packing in the ice cream.

      4) Surely not.

      5) Suck it.

  5. Kelly says:

    Neither Joanie nor the baby looks particularly pleased with the direction things are going…

    Yep. I’m kind of thinking that about 0.6 seconds after this picture was taken, SOMEbody had a lap full of baby-barf.


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