Am I the only one who completely accepted it when Walmart took out the hyphen in their name and added a star to the end?

Filed under living in new york sucks so hard, no i really do love ohio, politicking

Usually when I return to NYC after a holiday in the motherland of Ohio, I feel a huge sense of relief. All of my stuff is here: my apartment, my restaurants, my boyfriend. I don’t have to drive everywhere here, everything and everyone is cooler here (best friends not included, of course), and I don’t have to worry about having to make smalltalk with all the girls from high school who now work as grocery store cashiers in our hometown here.

This time, though, I made the huge mistake of spending my last night in Ohio with my best friend Tracey and my college friend James, who organizes unions for a living (OMG, best link ever, right?). He brought along two friends who used to hang out with us, one of whom is an Antarctic explorer, and one of whom is a boycott organizer. Naturally James’s first question to me was, “So when was the last time you shopped at Walmart?” And then we didn’t stop talking about labor, abortion, religion, and racism for the rest of the night.

It’s rough going back to the vacuousest city on Earth after that, you know? Suddenly the old man at the gym leaning back on his elliptical machine to stare at the ass of the girl next to me seems not just slightly annoying but actually detestable. And suddenly working at a $700 million software corporation seems a little bit more sell-out-y than I already knew it was. And suddenly all of my Democrat-because-they’re-young-but-just-waiting-to-turn-Republican-the-moment-they-make-their-first-million-dollars friends seem a little bit lamer.

But, you know, being surrounded by half-progressive friends is better than sitting in church next to fully-conservative gay-haters, and at least no pharmacist will ever deny me my daily Plan B here. Sigh.


  1. Serial says:

    Ug, I have friends who went republican on me, and it didn’t even take a million. Just a couple of mortgages. It’s enough to make you want to scratch their beady little eyes out with your food stamps.

  2. Mr. Used Underpants says:

    This is perfect. I’ve wanted to boycott Antarctica for the longest time–in much the same way as I apparently boycotted Margaret Thatcher’s existence–and now I have the contacts to pull it off.

  3. As long as I get my Section 8, Vegetarian Beans and free cheese from the government I could care less because…

    (Except for those few super wealthy Americans) In the next 2 years we’ll all be fighting over food, water & gas like Mel Gibson in Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome.

    Please tell my Parole Officer that I’m sorry for not making it in today I was busy smoking some weed and lost track of time, then lost track of my money, but I did find the munchies.

  4. caropal says:

    At least you have your fully-progressive ONLINE friends!

    I don’t think I could handle that many conservative friends (or even faux-liberal). But, then again, I’m pretty outspoken about my views, so maybe they just shut up when they’re with me. Either way, I win!

  5. Adam says:

    Did you ever tell Chuckie that you saw him ogling that girl at the gym? Oh, I guess you just did. If she had a really nice ass would it have changed your feelings about that? How about if he had been a good looking guy?

  6. Nicole says:

    OH! Please tell me who’s working at IGA from high school. I never go back to Ashville besides my yearly eye exams.

    That is unless you were being sarcastic and all. :)