The Seat-Smearers Strike Again

Filed under jobby jobby job job, my uber-confrontational personality, too much information

I think it’s pretty common to have a favourite stall in the bathroom, but I’m nearly obsessive about mine. I monitor who else is using it, which of the two toilet paper rolls is getting utilized more, what time of day it gets visited for the first time, and so on and so on. These things are especially important considering that I work next to an office of women who POOP ON TOILET SEATS.

It’s the perfect stall, too. The first one has the air vent in it, and while I appreciate a little noise while I’m doing my business, I can’t handle that there’s a huge space on the right side where everyone can look in and see you. The second one is too cramped. The third one is too spacious. The fifth one is handicapped, for God’s sake. And so I take the fourth. I used to try and play it cool and not use my special stall if someone was already in the third or fifth out of respect for their peeing privacy, but in my old age, I’ve come to care much more about my own comfort.

Anyway, the other day, I innocently went to my stall and found THE HUGEST PUBIC HAIR EVER CULTIVATED just lying there, sprawling across the whole seat. You can imagine my horror. And so I typed up the following sign in the biggest font possible:

TO SEE THE LARGEST PUBIC HAIR IN EXISTENCE,
PLEASE VISIT STALL #4

I thought about adding something about taking a Weedwhacker to a bush but thought better of it, being intensely concerned about my professionality and all.

When I came back after lunch, I followed a woman down the hall who stooped to pick up the sign, which had been tossed to the floor. I thought it very apropos that these seat-smearing women would take down the sign but not take the extra two seconds to throw it away. The woman–who doesn’t seem to speak a lot of English–looked at the paper as if she was confused by it, so I said, “What an awesome sign,” and she stuck it back on the door without a second thought.

And so my legacy lives on.

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6 Comments

  1. Serial says:

    Work sign shenanigans RULE

  2. caropal says:

    You have more drama in your bathroom then I have in my life over the course of an entire week.

  3. welfy says:

    Ha! I wonder how long the sign will stay up. I’d do things like that if I knew I wouldn’t get killed. :^P

    We don’t have stalls. :^( Just one bathroom.

  4. Tracey says:

    Since you told me this story when it happened, I read this title and the bold print and thought, “IT HAPPENED AGAIN!?”

    Seriously, though. So much bathroom drama. I totally need to dig through my bins of memories to find the sign you put on your bathroom stall in the dorms freshman year. Three stalls for eight people, and you claimed an entire stall for yourself. Classic Katie Ett.

  5. Andrea says:

    I, too, try not to occupy a stall next to a body evacuation in progress. Is there any kind of document containing the rules of bathroom etiquette such as these? Can we make it widespread?