I’ve been in Ohio for the past week, visiting my family and friends.
And you?
Monthly Archives: November 2008
Sooooo Many Photos of Me and a Boy You Barely Know
Filed under all of my friends are prettier than i am, living in new york is neat
Tagged as all of my friends are prettier than i am, living in new york is neat
Tagged as all of my friends are prettier than i am, living in new york is neat
I don’t want to steal all of Aaron the Australian‘s thunder, but if he’s going to choose spending time with the boyfriend he hasn’t seen in a month over posting photos of us, then screw ‘im.
The bull on Wall Street! And us looking super-hot, right?
Me, not afraid to show the heart-wrenching pain I was experiencing at the World Trade Center site.
Aaron on the Staten Island Ferry (post spitting on that guy), sticking his tongue out at our symbol of American freedom.
I wanted to play hand-clapping games with Aaron in the subway but was DISMISSED.
Aaron at the site of the Fat Girls Only chair.
Me in the Former Slaveowners Only chair. Which was right next to the Rosa Parks Only chair.
Aaron and me looking amaaaaazingly cool smoking chocolate cigarettes at my friend Emily’s house party.
Right before we played charades and looked considerably less cool.
Aaron and I kept seeing this ad on subway platforms and wondered if this girl had killed herself out of embarrassment yet.
In case you forgot Aaron’s gay, these photos from the Toys R Us in Times Square should remind you.
Aaron made me take, like, five of these pictures, and this taxi driver got pissed off, because he thought Aaron was trying to hail a cab.
Aaron is making this face because he was trying to pee his pants for lack of being able to find a restroom,
and the stream froze his pants to his legs at this very moment.
Aaron tries his very first Magnolia Cupcake, while I pose with my banana pudding next to the store with the greatest name in history.
Seriously, it’s called PANTS AND . . . !.
Fun times in the NBC Experience store at Rockefeller Center.
Hey, guess who’s NOT ambiguously gay?
The light room at the Top of the Rock, which is probably more interesting than the view of NYC you’re paying $20 for.
Hands!
My elusive roommate, Wen, actually went out to dinner with us one night. Orgies abounded!
There was also a dinner at Serendipity with Kamran one night, which was disappointingly not awkward and which Kamran so generous paid for. And looooooong conversations about why visiting me was inexplicably SO MUCH BETTER than visiting Beth in Chicago recently. And then, with a kiss on the cheek, Aaron left me on Tuesday morning, never to be seen again. Except for when he visits again in a month. Whatever.
Please note that all of these photographs were taken on Aaron’s camera and may not express the views of this blog and its author.
The Seat-Smearers Strike Again
Filed under jobby jobby job job, my uber-confrontational personality, too much information
Tagged as battery park, jobby jobby job job, my uber-confrontational personality, too much information
Tagged as battery park, jobby jobby job job, my uber-confrontational personality, too much information
I think it’s pretty common to have a favourite stall in the bathroom, but I’m nearly obsessive about mine. I monitor who else is using it, which of the two toilet paper rolls is getting utilized more, what time of day it gets visited for the first time, and so on and so on. These things are especially important considering that I work next to an office of women who POOP ON TOILET SEATS.
It’s the perfect stall, too. The first one has the air vent in it, and while I appreciate a little noise while I’m doing my business, I can’t handle that there’s a huge space on the right side where everyone can look in and see you. The second one is too cramped. The third one is too spacious. The fifth one is handicapped, for God’s sake. And so I take the fourth. I used to try and play it cool and not use my special stall if someone was already in the third or fifth out of respect for their peeing privacy, but in my old age, I’ve come to care much more about my own comfort.
Anyway, the other day, I innocently went to my stall and found THE HUGEST PUBIC HAIR EVER CULTIVATED just lying there, sprawling across the whole seat. You can imagine my horror. And so I typed up the following sign in the biggest font possible:
PLEASE VISIT STALL #4
I thought about adding something about taking a Weedwhacker to a bush but thought better of it, being intensely concerned about my professionality and all.
When I came back after lunch, I followed a woman down the hall who stooped to pick up the sign, which had been tossed to the floor. I thought it very apropos that these seat-smearing women would take down the sign but not take the extra two seconds to throw it away. The woman–who doesn’t seem to speak a lot of English–looked at the paper as if she was confused by it, so I said, “What an awesome sign,” and she stuck it back on the door without a second thought.
And so my legacy lives on.
Tap Dancers in Union Square Station
Filed under fun times on the subway, living in new york is neat
Tagged as fun times on the subway, living in new york is neat, union square
Tagged as fun times on the subway, living in new york is neat, union square
For every 400 annoying guys beating on upside-down buckets with sticks, there’s one subway busking act that actually takes talent. These guys made me stop, stare, and actually shell out some cash the other day:
I also appreciate how particularly New Yorky this video is. Subway station (that someone magically got a piano into), the uplifting advertisement amidst all the grime, all of the people rudely walking right in front of my camera, the guy in the GOLD PANTS AND ASCOT . . . I can’t get enough.
Aaron Spits in the Face of His Fellow Man
Filed under all of my friends are prettier than i am, living in new york is neat
Tagged as all of my friends are prettier than i am, living in new york is neat, staten island
Tagged as all of my friends are prettier than i am, living in new york is neat, staten island
As you may recall, Aaron the Australian is visiting me for the weekend. Not because New York City is a must-see-before-you-die tourist destination but because Katie Ett is one. And while there have been many history-making moments thus far, this has to be my favourite:
So we’re on the Staten Island Ferry, and Aaron decides to spit in the water while I’m preoccupied with picking my nose or something, thinking that spittle will fly straight down despite the fact that we’re in a boat that’s rushing from one island to another. But no! Instead, it of course flew right back toward the man standing two feet behind him. Aaron buried his head in the railing, so I leaned over his shoulder and said, “Sorry! He didn’t know that would happen!” The guy said something back to me that I thought sounded like “that was close” and Aaron thought sounded like “that was gross”. He said it with a smile on his face, though, and didn’t pummel Aaron directly afterward, so I think I’m right.
Although he was probably a tourist from Ohio, and you know that kind just loves to get spit on.
I Fired My Friends and Won an Australian!
I don’t have time to type anything, because I’ve been too busy HELPING TO END THE CAREERS of half of my company. Yay, economic downturn!
But in the process, I won a visit from Aaron!, who came allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the way from Australia just to see me. And to study abroad at Virginia Tech. Which he had no idea had had a big shooting incident until he started Google image searching his new home and saw that every single result had to do with people getting killed.
Many a picture will no doubt result from our impending weekend, all of them involving us with awkward fake smiles.
Ahhh, the pleasure I get from the misfortune of others.
Leaving the subway station the other night, a girl in a posh red swing jacket, black trousers, and black heels cut in front of me. As I followed her up the stairs to the street, her pants swished around her ankles and revealed bright white cotton socks.
Not even realizing it was going to come out, I said under my breath with delight, “White socks!” The girl totally turned around and looked at me, and I was like, ” . . . ,” but there was no one else around to blame.
I really feel myself becoming a strange old woman.
An Extra Chromosome of Cute
I was running out to meet Dr. Boyfriend for dinner last night and passed a guy with the cuuuuutest dog ever standing in the park outside of Kamran’s apartment building. He was this muscular blonde gay guy who obviously just bought the dog to pick up other muscular blonde gay guys, but I can respect that. I really wanted to pet the thing, but Kamran’s sadly allergic, so I passed by without a touch, knowing that I’d later Google the thing and ogle pictures of its breed.
The first picture I found?:
Sooooo cute, right? When I showed Kamran, he said, “It looks retarded! It’s like it has an extra chromosome of cute.”
Banksy’s Village Pet Store and Charcoal Grill
Filed under living in new york is neat, super furry animals
Tagged as living in new york is neat, super furry animals, west village
Tagged as living in new york is neat, super furry animals, west village
The night before Halloween, the good doctor and I went to see the second-to-last night of the Banksy exhibit, The Village Petstore and Charcoal Grill. We weren’t exactly sure where we were going and wound up in a as-seedy-as-the-West-Village-gets part of the West Village full of gay bars and fetish shops and thought we were soooooo cool for going to such an underground, out-of-the-way showing. And then we realized it was actually on 7th Ave., right beside a SushiSamba and a Jekyll and Hyde. Lame!
There was a bit of a line, and some British-accented douchebags walked by and yelled, “You’re waiting in line for this?! It’s not worth it!” But a minute later, we saw him perched outside one of the windows, taking photos with everyone else. We were hoping one of them was secretly Banksy.
The sign outside welcomed us in for some mechanically-retrieved meats,
and the walls inside beckoned us to buy treats for our pets:
From the outside, a sleeping cheetah, complete with a swinging tail and belly that inflated and deflated to show breathing:
From the inside, a cheetah-print coat. AMAZING!:
A chimpanzee watching a pair of other chimpanzees on television, pausing during the humping parts:
An ancient-looking Tweety Bird, his feather lying at his feet:
A spider in a gumball machine, inexplicably:
My absolute favourite, a pair of swimming fish sticks:
This is the thing that–when I saw a video of it online–made me say, “I HAVE to see this!” And it was even better in person:
Many types of snakes, made of many different kinds of sausages, including baby snakelets:
Chickens made of nuggets, pecking at their sauce:
And a rather disgusting/awesome nugget just hatched out of its egg:
A pretty bunny:
A video camera bird with its birdlings in a nest:
Love the flashing “liquor” and “wines” sign in the background.
The obligatory penis in the guestbook:
And finally, a netted dolphin that we swear is actually always outside of Jekyll and Hyde and accidentally became a part of the exhibit:
I managed to talk Dr. Boyfriend into riding it while I videotaped, but I forgot to ever hit record. To compensate, he allowed me to take this picture, which is, I’m sure, the only time he’ll be near a farm. Even a faux one:
Funny how mechanical food can somehow seem cute, huh? I didn’t take away any bigimportant message about the ethical treatment of animals or anything, but I did take away feelings of amazement and awesomeness and a whole lotta gladness that I live in the city I do.
Shafted
Funny how after the conquering, squashing, crushing, licking, vanquishing defeat of McCain by Obama,
I somehow assumed that the world would automatically be different. That war would cease, abortions would spread like wildfire, and the housing crisis would take a chill pill. But no, there was still fighting on the subway this morning the same as always, convicted felon Ted Stevens still somehow managed to win a Senate spot in Alaska, and as Kamran said:
But hey, at least there’s still rotating meat at street fairs:
Absentee Voters for Obama!
Barackin’ the vote, absentee style:
Actually, you can’t see whose circle Sonya filled in here, so who knows?
I imagine that anyone not voting for Obama has arguments similar to this one, made by some child on Nickelodeon’s Kids Pick the President message board:
I don’t like how people are sooooooo obbsessed with Obama! He wants to make taxes higher! He wants rich people to pay for poor people! Oh!, and did you know he was friends with one of the guys who was in the nine eleven attack! He has not had ant experence 4 years of congrass…THATS IT!!!! HE CAN’T LEAD OUR NATION HE JUST CAN’T IT WILL FALL APPART AND LEAD TO A 2ND GREAT DEPPRESION!
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, parental influence!
Halloween Costumes for the Win
Filed under all of my friends are prettier than i am, holidays don't suck for me
Tagged as all of my friends are prettier than i am, holidays don't suck for me, williamsburg
Tagged as all of my friends are prettier than i am, holidays don't suck for me, williamsburg
This is how my Halloween was supposed to go:
Dr. Boyfriend and I faux-carve the letter B onto our faces and give ourselves faux black eyes a la this girl and head to his law school friend’s party down the street. We drink some punch, make a few 9th-Circuit-Court-of-Appeals-related jokes, and head home to stuff ourselves full of candy pumpkins (and maybe some candy corn, even though everyone knows it tastes entirely different) and watch loads of horror movies (but only the cheesy ones from the 80s, ‘cause otherwise I get too scared).
Instead, I went to my friend Emily’s house, where my friend Beth and I helped rip up her Little Red Riding Hood costume and cover it in blood to turn her into Little DEAD Riding Hood:
Reeeeeeeeal scary, huh?
Then a couple of her friends came over, and we all took one look at their costumes and were like, “ . . . ? . . .” But then someone said, “Oh, Royal Tenenbaums!” And it all made sense. The costumes were brilliantly done, actually, even though poor Gwyneth shrank a bit:
Then Emily’s roommate, Michelle, came out in her homemade Geico Gecko costume, and the cuteness wholeheartedly abounded:
We piled into the train at 10 so they could head off to an all-you-can-drink loft party and I could head home to . . . my sleeping boyfriend, who had to be at law school for a seminar at 8 the next morning. LAME! No party, no law jokes, and most importantly, no candy pumpkins! But at least I have this video of Michelle ravaging Emily’s costume with a gigantic kitchen knife that she seems to have absolutely no control over:
Better than all the candy pumpkins in the world.
Yeah, not really.
