Undecided Voters Don’t Deserve the Right to Vote

Filed under politicking

My best friend Tracey and I have been talking a lot about undecided voters lately and how we just. don’t. get. them. You either care for

1) the greater human need over your own selfish want
2) the greater human right over your own idiotic hatred

or you don’t. We don’t see how someone could possibly not have a definite opinion on, say, trade policy or women’s rights or taxation. I understand that you can be an independent or a libertarian or a member of the . . . Peace and Freedom Party(?) and not have a viable candidate who really suits your Presidential candidatey needs, but after A YEAR AND A HALF OF CAMPAIGNING, make up your damned mind already!

Tracey sent me a David Sedaris article in The New Yorker today that we think says it best:

To put [undecided voters] in perspective, I think of being on an airplane. The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.


  1. la_sale_bete says:

    One time on a plane I asked for the chicken but they brought me the glass/shit plate by mistake. It was terrible. The choice is clear this time around. Here’s for a brighter future in ’08.

    • I’ve never been fed on a plane in my life. I guess I always just assumed there wasn’t an option other than the shit/glass paella.

      I guess I understand undecided voters in a Bush/Kerry election year where even I was like, “You really expect me to vote for HIM?”, but not now.

  2. Jack says:

    What about voters who have decided not to be voters?