If He Couldn’t Pick His Nose, Would You Still Love Him?

Filed under too much information

Tell me the truth: would you date someone who was missing a finger?

Does it make a difference if, say, only a section of the finger was missing?

I spent most of my train ride this morning considering it, and I’m still not sure. On one hand, I’d really like to introduce people to my boyfriend by saying, “Barbara, this is my boyfriend Stan, and we can never get married because he’s missing his ring finger.” And whereas I call Kamran “Dr. Boyfriend” here, I could call this finger-lacking guy “Four-and-a-Half-Fingered Boyfriend”. It has a ring to it, right?

But on the other hand, I feel like we’d have to set way too many ground rules for a healthy relationship to ever develop. I’d constantly be saying things like, “Okay, you can touch me with your nub, but if it so much as comes within an inch of my mouth, I swear I’ll cut the other nine off.”

16 Comments

  1. caropal says:

    Oh, I’d be totally into it. Just… yeah, I’ll stop there.

  2. kinard says:

    I have a friend who lost her ring finger on her honeymoon when her wedding band got caught on a lifeguard chair and cut her finger off.
    Fate? I dunno.
    I’m just saying there’s no planning for these things.

  3. Mr. Used Underpants says:

    No, it doesn’t have a ring to it.. cuz he’s missing that finger.

  4. Adam says:

    I stopped reading after your second sentence because I started imagining the missing segment was located somewhere between the knuckle and the fingertip.

    • Well, does it make a difference or not?

      Again, the novelty of the missing middle segment would be fun for parties, but since I don’t really go to parties, the annoyingness of the top segment constantly falling on the ground and down my bra and in my dinner might win out.

  5. Clockwatcher says:

    I am still slightly ashamed of this, but here goes. Many years ago I met this guy through a good friend. Cute, nice, a little awkward, but definitely too young for me. Interacted w/ him a total of probably 4-5 hours one-on-one at various events. He asked me out and I agreed to meet him for coffee, knowing that our age gap hadn’t grown any narrower. Meet for coffee before I go to work. It was fine, but no great shakes. I recall he was one of those people who talks while their eyes are closed. This really grosses me out. About 1 hour later he reaches into his bag to get something and I notice for the first time that one of his hands is actually an enormous, fused claw like appendage. How the fuck had I missed that?!?! I’m an asshole and I got totally spooked. I was never that into the guy, but now I was completely out. I called my friend, totally freaked that she set me up with a guy forever forward known as Lobster Boy.

    • Funny, Kamran and I just had a conversation the morning you wrote this about how weird the talking-with-eyes-closed thing is. He has a friend who’ll close her eyes while she’s looking at you and then immediately open them when she looks away.

      Anyway, THIS IS AN AMAZING STORY. I’m so pleased that this guy has evidently freaked so many people out with his claw that he’s learned ways to conceal it for hours at a time. What a champ. I really can’t imagine that you didn’t go on one more date with the guy just to see what it felt like to have it stroke your cheek as he went in for a kiss.

      Sorry, I just threw up a little in my mouth when I typed that.

  6. Charles "IT Guy" Robinson says:

    Katie I don’t believe you.
    You told me you loved my nub before you got all Kamran crazy.

    Now you think nubs are all bad & evil.
    So did you even mean it when you said I was the best nubbin you’ve ever had?

    This is sooooooooooooooooooooooo may last post to your blog since you have ignored my blog completely.
    *sob*
    No comments or subscription…not even a link in your links section. ;-(

    • Oh, Charles, I meant what I said; your nub is a fine nub, different than everyone else’s. Besides, you never take off those red leather gloves of yours, so there’s really no chance of the nub touching me.

      I’m sorry that I haven’t paid enough attention to your blog. I’m barely paying any attention to THIS blog now that Tony owns me. But I just added you to my Google Reader, and I vow to be your #1 Commenter.