Happy Birthday to Me! and I’m Sorry About the Smell

Filed under holidays don't suck for me, jobby jobby job job, narcissism, too much information

My dear Dr. Boyfriend has a series of uplifting catchphrases, my favourites being “everything’s coming up Kamran” and “it’s your world, squirrel”. For my birthday today, he sent me this:

And while I have no idea who invited the guy in the cowboy hat to my party, I appreciate the sentiment.

But I’ll tell you what–it’s rough having a birthday when you’re lactose intolerant. As you may remember, I’ve been working on becoming lactose tolerant, and while I do believe I’m making strides, what’s coming out of my bum today smells nasty. I keep running out of the bathroom as soon as I’m finished, because I don’t want to hang around and have to explain to my co-workers who weren’t in New Orleans with me this week, “I’m lactose intolerant, but there was an ice cream bar at lunch yesterday, and what was I supposed to do?! It’s my goddamned birthday!”


  1. Kelly says:

    Happy birfday, Squirrel Girl!

    • Sadly, I think I’m the big beaver next to the squirrel. See how he’s eyeing the cake? That’s me, about to beat all of my friends with my giant tail so I can have all the sweets to myself.

  2. caropal says:

    Happy Birthday, Katie! I hope it’s filled with, um… lots of forest animals wearing party hats? And that cowboy guy. Mostly because every party deserves a little awkward.

  3. Lori says:

    Happy Birthday Baby Girl. Hold up your fingers and toes and show me how many you are. (I can say this since I’m old.) Kman should give you some fast acting Lactaid for your birthday and spare your coworkers from the post ice cream fog.


  4. spaghedeity says:

    Wow, the purple colour of that font is hideous.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY! (Spell out the bolded letters to reveal a sekrit birthday message!)

  5. Adam says:

    That posting went from pleasantly sweet to utterly revolting just like that. It has inspired me to create a new fad-diet. You can eat anything you want. Just print out Katie’s b-day blog and read it before you start to eat. Watch your appetite disappear before your very eyes.

  6. Kaci says:

    Happy late Birthday! I am totally stealing that birthday card. The dude in the cowboy hat is the best! I’ll be sure to eat lots of extra fried pumpkin dough this weekend in Circleville for you.


    • I never got around to responding to this when you first posted it, but I want you to know that I ate SO MUCH pumpkin ice cream while I was home this week that I’ve forgiven you for rubbing your dough in my face and can now move on with my life.

  7. Emily says:

    Happy Birthday, Smelly Nelly! Diarrhea Darcy! Runny Sunny! Squirtle Myrtle!

  8. Karinya says:

    Happy belated birthday!

    Squirrel related anecdote: We have lots of black squirrels around here, and every time we pass one on the road Denny makes completely inappropriate jokes about negro squirrels. He knows I spent too long in college and therefore I get all worked up about racially insensitive comments, even when directed at squirrels. Sigh.