All the Good Ones are Straight

Filed under narcissism, no i really do love ohio

I grew out my hair all summer in an attempt to be a real girl, but after suffering through the heat and wind and nonsense with long(er) hair, I couldn’t take it any longer and whacked it off Friday night. And not to be vain or anything, but don’t you think I’d make a totally cute lesbian?!

Yes, I own a shirt with a smiling state of Ohio on it, thanks to my best friend.

I mean, I love boobs, and I already have the my-parents-disowned-me angst down.

So I messed with my new hair this morning and felt like it was lookin’ pretty sleek, especially when coupled with the pearl earrings Dr. Boyfriend gave me as part of my anniversary present. I asked him if I should gel it down before I left the house, but he assured me it needed nothing. But no! As soon as the wind hit it two feet from the front door, my hair developed WINGS! I could fly away at any moment with these things, right?

Yes, I took this in the bathroom at work a minute ago, and no, I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t show it to my boss.

Damn you, curly hair.


  1. megan says:

    aww, you look so lovely. tres chic in the black with pearls.

  2. Kelly says:

    1. You’d be the adorablest (?) lesbian ever.

    2. Wings are hot.

  3. Tracey says:

    A few things:


    2. I don’t know where you are in the first two pictures, but that background is a scrapbook paper! Seriously! I know I used to shelf it at Archiver’s. PLEASE tell me you set up a makeshift backdrop using scrapbook paper.

    3. Why is it that Katie Noecker is offering me pearl jewelry to wear at my wedding and my MAID OF HONOR is holding out on me and not offering up hers?

    • 1. Oh, sorry, I thought I’d told you I was going to do it and just figured you DIDN’T CARE WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH THE MOST IMPORTANT PART OF MY BODY. I had this amazing Venezuelan lady who said, “What do you want?”, and I said, “Leave me an inch,” and she razored the entire thing by hand.

      2. It’s the shower curtain I bought for Christmas for Kamran last year after asking everyone if it was too girly in this LJ post. You probably don’t remember it since YOU DIDN’T COMMENT. But yeah, I felt pretty lucky to have it there in the apartment already, though I really want to scrapbook myself some backdrops now.

      3. Katie is much more generous than I am, and I know you’re already well aware of that. Besides, I don’t want your ear goop all over my new jewelry.

      • Tracey says:

        1. Did you and the Venezuelan woman make out after? Because that’s how I picture that scene in my head.

        2. The lack of commenting has been remedied.

        3. I know she’s more generous. I just wanted to point it out to you. Besides, what about that pearl necklace that’s like, totally not even new anymore?

        • 1. Her name was Narcy. You know I’m not down with that.

          2. We are still just barely friends now.

          3. Hey, my necklace is a mere year old now, and it’s totally more meaningful than that piece of crap her husband gave her from Kay Jewelers or whatever. Besdides, you know you’re welcome to my stuff, especially if you wear your Katie Ett is Totally My Most Giving and Thoughtful Friend shirt over your dress at the reception.

          • Tracey says:

            I feel like I can’t let this numbering thing die now, so here goes:

            1. NARCY?!

            2. Okay, maybe I am done with the numbering thing. I can’t think of anything to say here.

            3. I would wear my KEiTMMGaTH shirt, but I was already planning on wearing my “Kittens: An American Tradition” shirt. Maybe I can wear the other one to the rehearsal dinner.

  4. spaghedeity says:

    I’m calling for more plumpdumpling pictures.

    • Juuuuuuust wait until the next entry, an Ohio bonanza that will make you sick of me in the first two minutes.

      I only wish I could get involved in the bagel wars, but alas, they’re $1 here.