Lost and Lonely Leftovers

Filed under administrative, restaurant ramblings

Kamran: What makes you so interested in abandoned food?
me: I don’t know. I really like food, and I always wonder why someone would just leave it there. I would pick that shit up and dust that shit off.
Kamran: I would do that, too.
me: Really?
Kamran: Yeah, I mean pick it up. And then throw it away.
me: Oh, no, I’d totally be willing to eat it.
Kamran: What about a pepper dropped in the subway?
me: Sure.
Kamran: You’d just pick that up and bite into it?
me: Yeah, absolutely, ’cause you can wash that.
Kamran: You can’t wash off the subway. You can’t wash off New York City. New York City gets under the skin.

This was the very first, some lonesome transportation vegetation spotted on the F train.

Spotted outside Halloween Adventure along Broadway, this one is especially sad for me,
because dropping something after one delicious bite seems so much worse than after not tasting it at all.

My boyfriend and I saw this right outside his apartment building, but everyone there is rich,
so I suppose a lost bagel isn’t a big deal to them. There was a trash can approximately
6 inches from the bagel, it should be noted.

Please find my newly created page for showcasing my abandoned food finds in my sidebar and expect many more to come.


  1. alison says:

    when i was recently at a nyc diner, i watched in horror as a little kid ordered pancakes and bacon and did not eat the bacon. so when him and his parents left, i stole it and ate it.

    • I hope this is a story you made up to prove a point about how you’re way more badass than I am. Because you know any food that comes within a ten-foot radius of a child is covered in snot and earwax.

  2. Emily says:

    You should know that I’m really hungry right now, so that picture of the ice cream sandwich made me really, really sad. Now I want to go buy some and eat them, just to make up for that poor lost one.

  3. welfy says:

    But I want to SEE you eat abandoned food, just like you bluffed.

  4. Laura says:

    I would have eaten the part of the ice cream sandwich that was still clean under the wrapper. And considering it wasn’t melted, I’m sure the lost sandwich owner was close to the crime scene. You should have hunted him (or her) down.

  5. caropal says:

    Kandarpa and I stopped a little kid from eating a discarded french toast stick at ikea not too long ago. (It was great – his eyes lit up, with an, “Ooh! DELICIOUS!” expression, and he simply picked it up from a tray that had been placed on a shelf that was just his height and started to put it in his mouth. Kandarpa and I nearly died laughing after his mom’s eyes widened and she thanked us, hurrying him back to their table.)

    He probably feels your pain.

    • The thing about that french toast stick is that it was from Ikea, and the kid’s mom could’ve bought him another one for, like, 5 cents. But an ice cream sandwich is $1.50! And a bagel is $.80! And a fresh pepper is something like $40 at this point!

      But still, you’re a real American hero.

  6. Clockwatcher says:

    Thought of you yesterday when I saw a still sealed package of peanut butter crackers under a seat on the subway. Perfectly good crackers! Do you ever think that your willingness to eat floor food might have something to do with your farm upbringing? Waste not, want not, etc, etc?

    • That’s crazy! My first thought in a situation like that is, “Well, obviously the owner just didn’t realize she left them behind.” But then my second, more paranoid thought is, “Maybe they’re POISONED!” Which is why I would suck at being a poor, anarchist dumpster-diver.

      I think you’re totally right about the farm thing. My mom used to love to tell a story about how my whole family was eating lunch right beside my pig’s pen one day the year I showed at the Ohio State Fair, and these suburban women walked by and turned up their noses at us and whispered about how gross it was that we could eat amidst all that pig smell, but of course we were totally immune to it.

  7. Clockwatcher says:

    That’s ridiculous! I called my mom Saturday and my family was at the Richland County fair. Mom was excited because her hot banana peppers, hot mustard and blackberry jalepeno jam each took 2nd place. And my stepdad made a cradle that took 1st place! Hurray for county fairs! Oh, and Jamie and I are going home for the Circleville Pumpkin Festival. I can’t resist the little pumpkin doughnuts. Or the hog calling contest.

    • Your mom sounds like my kinda lady with all that spicy jazz. And, um, is your dad planning for your forthcoming baby? A cradle seems like a totally random thing to make; awesome nonetheless.

      I’m so jealous you get to go home for that while I’m stuck here, gnawing on some candy corn to make myself feel better.

  8. Clockwatcher says:

    Nah, he just makes one or two cradles a year, which he then donates to auctions for charity. Although he has been waiting patiently for many years and occasionally dropping hints about his desire to make one for us!

    You know, you’ve just made today’s second reference to candy corn. I walked in to the office today and my co-worker was munching on some and offered it up. I find it vile. So vile.

    • Do you plan to make his wishes come true? I think my dad knows he’s getting nothing from me, but luckily my sister and my step-brothers and -sister are all way into babies.

      I like candy corn, but I LOVE those candy pumpkins made out of the same stuff. I know that they taste exactly alike, but the shape somehow really makes a difference for me. Candy corn in September seems messed up, though.