A First Trip to the New Brooklyn Ikea

Filed under living in new york is neat, narcissism

The weekend before last, Boyfriend Kamran and I decided to explore the new Brooklyn Ikea and buy a tiny dresser for me to overflow with the zillions of polka-dot shirts that I’m currently storing folded on a chair in the corner of his apartment. We’ve always had access to the Ikea in Elizabeth, New Jersey, via a free shuttle bus from Port Authority, but the new Brooklyn Ikea is located in an up-and-coming neighborhood that we want to explore, anyway, AND it’s accessible via a free water ferry from lower Manhattan.

But of course we took the free shuttle bus outside of the Borough Hall subway station. (Which, if you’re oddly here for informational purposes, is on Joralemon Street near the northeast corner of Court Street.) And instead of buying a dresser, we:

1) Played with the plush

2) Imagined my future library when I can finally afford to buy books again

3) Defiled a sheepskin rug by pretending I was wearing nothing underneath it

4) Appreciated the old industrial Brooklyn while surrounded by the new-Brooklyn aging-hipster dads with their thirty-is-the-new-twenty mentality and their ANNOYING CHILDREN

5) Ate some really weird stuff in the cafeteria

6) Didn’t eat some other weird stuff in the grocery section, thankfully

7) Tried to figure out the difference between hand-blown and mouth-blown

We ended up buying a set of plastic containers for me to haul salad fixins to work in (which will never actually happen) and a wooden artist’s model, which Kamran named Chip and kept petting while murmuring, “You’re my only friend.” We are truly a pathetic lot. But we have a good time.


  1. caropal says:

    God, you have the best smile.

  2. leigh says:

    I just want to point out that thirty IS the new twenty, and you look completely sexy in the sheepskin rug.

    I now have a new reason to hate you. Or two, because you have an IKEA near you and I do not. Or three, because you also have access to pink hair dye, should you ever want it.

    • I hope thirty isn’t the new twenty. I never believed older people when they said they wouldn’t want to be 21 again, but seriously, I wouldn’t. I’m smarter and better-looking now (right?), AND I can rent a car. Not that I would. Since I basically haven’t driven in three years and would be afraid to. Anyway, thank you.

      I was going to say, “But you have an Ikea right there in Cincinnati!” But alas. God, even OHIO has more pink hair dye than you do down there.

  3. paige lipari says:

    From now on, I demand all my glass to be personally mouth-blown by you. I’ll leave the cash on the european size pillow. Furthermore, you are absolutely linked. And of course I was copying you.

    • Baby, money can’t buy the kind of care that I put into my mouth-blowing. But we might be able to work out some sort of deal, ifyouknowwhatImean.

      Mwahahaha. Mwahahaha. MWAHAHAHAHA.

      Anyway, I’m pumped to link you back! Should I call you “Paige Lipari” or “before i am all poof!” in my sidebar?

  4. Clockwatcher says:

    We took our first trip there last week also and happened upon a man taking boudoir photos of his girlfriend on the Hemnes 4 poster bed. Classy.

    • I totally tried to make Kamran do that for me, too, on this bed with a curly metal headboard, but these damned children came along to play on the fake computer in the fake room with us, and I didn’t think it was appropriate for Kamran’s pants to still be half off with them around.

  5. Clockwatcher says:

    I’m really glad I found your blog (through Paige) and I just linked to you. I can’t resist a fellow Ohio girl….