Comments on: Controlling What Comes Out of My Bum

By: plumpdumpling

plumpdumpling — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 20:13:32 +0000

Oh, boy, it’s going to be fun to continue to refer to you by that hyphenated name until the end of time. The Paris part is going to start getting a little weird after three years or so, though.

By: The Other Tina

The Other Tina — Thu, 09 Oct 2008 18:28:00 +0000

Okay, I just read this because you linked to it and find it hilarious. Plus I’m honored to see that you finally gave me a hyphenated name.

By: Unapologetically Mundane » Happy Birthday to Me! and I’m Sorry About the Smell

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 18:17:39 +0000

[...] rough having a birthday when you’re lactose intolerant. As you may remember, I’ve been working on becoming lactose tolerant, and while I do believe I’m making strides, what’s coming out of my bum today smells [...]

By: plumpdumpling

plumpdumpling — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 02:09:28 +0000

That’s so hot! How will you transfer it to me–orally or anally?

By: dairy cow

dairy cow — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 22:46:11 +0000

dairy is the main staple of my diet, you can have some of my bacteria

By: Tina

Tina — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 21:57:25 +0000

Actually just kidding.. he’s my husband now, not fiance. That would make it much better!

By: Tina

Tina — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 21:56:54 +0000

You’re right. Much better.

By: spaghedeity

spaghedeity — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 21:27:25 +0000

RAH REPLIED IN THE WRONG PLACE SEE BELOW RAH.

By: spaghedeity

spaghedeity — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 21:26:19 +0000

I wish my skinniness made me hotter and therefore more likely to make a boyfriend. I feel like I've got an AnorHEXia on me or something.

By: plumpdumpling

plumpdumpling — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 14:37:18 +0000

You should talk to my arch-nemesis, Leigh. She’s currently working on an anorexia project called AnorSEXYa that involves her getting skinny and therefore hotter and therefore more likely to make her ex-boyfriend jealous.

By: plumpdumpling

plumpdumpling — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 14:33:40 +0000

Oh, wait, wait. I just remembered that you’re actually T-Dobs and not other-Tina-who-is-also-from-Ohio-but-is-spending-the-summer-in-Paris. Okay, let’s change this comment a little bit, then.

How about: I know that YOU wouldn’t know anything about this, with your perfect health and your . . . perfect fiancee who will fill you up with tons of babies that you’ll take to kidspace and use the basically-non-functioning bottle warmer to feed gallons of warm milk to because they naturally won’t be lactose intolerant, either. Assholes.

Much better.

By: plumpdumpling

plumpdumpling — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 14:21:41 +0000

Maaaaaaaan, I already have enough crap to lug around in my purse without having to remember some milk pills. I want to be normal, dammit! I know that YOU wouldn’t know anything about this, with your perfect health and your trips to Paris, where even the lactose intolerantest suddenly find themselves gulping gallons of chocolate milk gas-free and smoking fine cigarettes from outrageously long holders on restaurant patios on every corner. Assholes.

By: plumpdumpling

plumpdumpling — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 14:17:31 +0000

If it’s okay with you, I’d like to have the lecture encompass EVERYTHING that Midwesterners might abandon: fatty eating habits, “saving” themselves for marriage, saying hello to absolutely everyone they pass on the streets, not wearing shoes anywhere, etc.

And I’ll pass out pins that say “What would your mom say?” so they can remember where they come from every time the temptation to drink soymilk comes along.

By: plumpdumpling

plumpdumpling — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 17:03:12 +0000

Pork allergy?! Does this mean you’re living a bacon-free life? I think Tracey would die if she knew this about you.

I wonder if there’s a similar acclimation to milk and pork. If so, we should try it together for a month. Locked in a room away from society, of course, so the rest of the world doesn’t have to suffer from the effects of our experiment.

By: plumpdumpling

plumpdumpling — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 16:58:53 +0000

1. You already know what comes out of my brain, anyway: snark, bitching, and whining.

2. Maybe it’s better that you don’t know a life before intolerance. I pretty much want to break down and cry every time I think about the way I used to be able to sit down with an entire pint of Ben & Jerry’s. But I think it’s awesome that you ignore your intolerance and fart it up.

3. I really like that you respond to my comments over here where you know I’ll see ‘em for sure. Of course I won’t return the favor, but I give you the option to have them mailed to you, and YOU DON’T APPRECIATE MY GIFT.

By: caropal

caropal — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 13:40:56 +0000

So how’s that working out for ya?

By: spaghedeity

spaghedeity — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 09:53:43 +0000

I’m trying to give up on food altogether.

By: Tina

Tina — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 03:05:50 +0000

I have a friend who is lactose intolerant, and she takes certain pills right before she eats ice cream, or pizza, or something else that she just can’t live without. And these pills help her become lactose tolerant again. She’s VERY lactose intolerant–actually gets sick and throws up if she has a bowl of ice cream. I think they’re called Lactaids? Something like that. Might want to give it a try if that training of your intestines doesn’t work out.

By: Karinya

Karinya — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 00:40:16 +0000

I would like you to go on a speaking tour of college campuses, where you talk to incoming freshman who are thinking of abandoning their good midwestern eating habits for this hippie nonsense. You could be a walking cautionary tale! (Just like you always dreamed of!)

Good luck!

By: Nicole M

Nicole M — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 00:18:38 +0000

I wonder if this is possible to do with my pork allergy.
However, you’d think after my mom used all the pork products that the Barr’s gave us that I would be able to handle it. Not so much. Maybe it worked in reverse for me? Too much made me allergic….hmmm..